My husband asked me today, "What are you contributing to the family with all of this training?" Good question ehh? I think it is one that a lot of families with triathletes ask each other. It hasn't been all peaches and cream since we had kids. It has been HARD. It is a struggle everyday to train, be a Mom, clean, work, and be the best wife I can be. Up until last year I have been an amateur triathlete. Really there is no difference from amateur to professional other than a card and the tiny possibility of making money at it. So what is the purpose? I struggle every day with that. I spend half of my weekends away training trying to become a faster triathlete. The key there is away. When my husband, Bill, goes away to work he brings home a paycheck. I bring home sweaty clothes and an insane hunger for anything edible. OH, and no money. Or not much at least. Truth be told, I would still train like this even if I hadn't turned pro. I know more than my share of triathletes that are not pro that train WAY more than me. And for what...
My answer to him. (I have not told him this yet it has been stewing in my head). I contribute a mom and wife that is happier, healthier, and excited about life! Training for triathlon gives me fulfillment in areas that I need. Sure my kids give me tons of fulfillment but I need something for ME! Training is my time to reflect and enjoy life. I'm not sure if this is fair or how it is perceived but that is the truth. I want to know if this is a question that anyone's spouse has ever asked them? And if so, what is your answer?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
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8 comments:
Part of being a great parent is being a great role model. Demonstrating to your children that "Mom" can mean crazy awesome athlete and all the things that go with that atypical stereotype is worth way more than clinging around like a helicopter parent. But your husband's right to ask the question. Helps you remember to find the right balance for your family, which is something that will probably change over time.
I was going to say something similiar to Alicia - the training and racing you are doing is such a great model to your children; especially as they get older to understand that hard work is how you achieve your dreams! Time well spent if you ask me...for lessons they will cherish for many years to come.
Hello Jennifer...A happy wife is worth a ton. And FYI, I used to be a full time pro with no job, kids, and living with my parents in California. Now I have the job and kids and I live in the midwest. I am twelve years older and I train about a fifth as much and I am not that much slower. Of course I'm not a two (or one) time USAT champ either, but I'm just saying you don't have to train all crazy like some people down there if you feel you need to be home more.
I have to agree...you know how I feel about this stuff ...If it was not Triathlon, it would be something else for me...and my kids see Jerome and I work hard to make quality time for them, for our family - dinner together every night is key for us with kids at this age - and because I work fulltime too, I need SOME outlet or I would go nuts...So, my kids know I am either on the computer OR S/B/R in my free time...OR Playing SORRY with them since that is the their latest obsession. HAHA....and this week they are Spring Break so we are all over - RAINforest cafe for lunch tomorrow...Jenny, you are doing a great job - your kids are wonderful and healthy and happy and YOU are too....and in the end that is ALL that matters! :) xo
Jen,
I know your my coach, but I have to say, in the time we have been working together I feel fortunate that we have become friends in the process. And I have seen what a great Mom you are, and the kind of amazing athlete you are as well. I know as a single guy, its easy for me to say, just go train and race, but, family means so much to me as well, and I understand your frustration. The thing is this - if you took the sport away, you'd lose a big part of yourself in the process. And I think it would take away from you being the kind of Mom and wife you are. Again, I know its easy for me to say, being single and not having kids, but, I know the look in your eye when you are out there training, and I have seen you get back from training rides even more energized to be with your family. I know you will find the balance, you have been an inspiration to me from day one.
Jennifer,
I don't know you personally, but have been following your triathlon career for several years. (I see you at races often). I've been doing this a long time (since 1986) before I had my kids. I did take a break when they were really little (I had them late in life). While I haven't worked outside the home, I needed something for myself. I'm so grateful that my husband encouraged me to continue with my triathlon pursuit. While I will never be in the same class as you, it is very important to me. It makes me a better person, wife and mother. My kids have enjoyed watching me train/race the past six years. They are older and have their own stuff now, but I can honestly say it has been a great example for them. It's taught them to have goals, discipline, and something they like to do.
Keep up the good work. Remember balance/moderation is important also. I'm sure you're doing a great job as a triathlete,wife and mother. Take care and God bless!
NEVER, has Andy ever asked me that question. He knows that runner is what I am and he knows Mom is also what I am and as Dad he has a huge part of it as well. Balance isn't just ME balancing motherhood with work and my athletic life, it US balancing our relationship as husband and wife, with our roles as parents, with the things that make us what we are.
I found that as my children get older they have become part of my athletic life, coming to races and understanding the lifestyle, running themselves or being on other athletic teams, my daughter now plays piano and flute just as I do so that part of my life is now shared too. My children see my commitment and work ethic and as a parent it is important to teach via example.
It is my firm belief that children are not the center of the family, they are part of the family. They need more care but they are no more important or less important than any other member. I nourish them in body and soul but I need to not neglect myself either.
Yes I do train less and yes having a family does have an impact on how much I can (or want) to do with my training but its who I am and what I do and my family loves me for it and I love them for supporting me.
Great post!!!
Passion and enthusiasm for your work and taking the time for that passion means so much. It means that one is happy with the rest of the world and everything else (eg daily chores) comes into place more easily because of it. Also the enthusiasm is contagious and people around will be more enthusiastic about what ever 'their' things are. I've seen this with my friends who do things from knitting to writing.
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