Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Aftermath
When a race doesn't go as planned you start to think. During the run portion on Sunday when my stomach was screaming at me to stop running (and I did) I had plenty of time to think. That is NEVER a good thing. Normally when a race goes well you are running so hard all you can think about is the finish or race tactics. But this time all I could think about was my kids and how much time I spend training for this exact race that I am now failing at miserably. All of the weekends and early mornings that I leave home are all a waste. I know this is wrong but when you are in that mental state all you think about are the negatives. I missed my kids more than anything. I wanted to see them right then. A few things that I did take away from a miserable experience were that I don't want to race an Ironman this year. It takes too many hours away from my main job, Mom. My heart is totally with my kids now. Before I had Molly I could race with my heart 100% into every training effort and race experience. Since she came, something inside me switched. Now I have 2 human beings that I am responsible for. I want to invest quality time with them so that they become the best people they can be. I do know that to be that kind of Mom I have to train and race. It somehow balances me out. It is my drug. It makes me excited to live and breath everyday! To train and race as a pro it seems like most of the women I have met are at 20 hours on the low end to 30+ hours on average. I am nowhere near that. And I don't think I will ever be. I like my life nicely balanced with 15-18 hrs a week. I never feel overwhelmed or pulled in too many directions at that level. So I am going to stick to olympic distance races and one or two halfs this year. I think every year you need to reassess and see what life hands you. Things might change. But if they don't I am thrilled with where I am going. I know my abilities as an athlete and what I can do. It's just a matter of getting it all right race day again (with my family in tow this time).
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7 comments:
Jenny!
My heart is totally with you... trying to race as a professional and be the best mom is such a balance...
You can do it though, you really REALLY really can! It's a process to figure it out and a bigger challenge learning how to NOT beat yourself up over little things (like going for a run rather than hanging with your children). I used to cry everytime I did anything without Kainoa, the day I began running without the jogging stroller I was a mess...
It will get easier and better.
As for the hours, oh sister, I am with you... don't stress what the others do, do what you can... I am a 15-20hr a week girl (except training camps) since the single mom thing takes a lot of training time, but you know what... being a mom gives us this unreal strength that we can NEVER get from 30 or 40 or even 50 hours of training! That's a promise!
Hang tuff, cheering for you big time!
Wow, reading your most recent blog gave me the chills, and a big smile at the same time! I wish I could give you a big hug right now! :) You're an amazing human being who has grown so much on so many levels that it just melts my heart! The key word here is "balance", and although you may not have had the best race of your life this past weekend, you did have the chance to think. There is good in every situation if you just look hard enough - the good that came out of this past race was you being able to reflect on your life - even if it was for a short while, and in a not so fun situation. Life is too short sweetie, listen to your heart as I truly believe that it speaks to you. You have an amazingly beautiful family that looks up to and adores you in more ways then one. Cherish those times, and never forget that it's all about balance! :) Love you cousin! :)
I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. After talking with you in the locker room a few weeks back about the "what do you bring to this family" topic, the universe seemed like it might have already been in motion for this...I don't know what it's like to be a full-time mom and an amazing triathlete like you are, but you do it with poise.
I know I'm not a pro but I totally agree with Bree about the training hours. Just like with every bit of race/training advice people offer (because everyone loves to share what works for them), the training hours fall into that same category. Do what works for you and listen to your heart - you know yourself best!
Keep working hard!!!
Jenny, just wanted to add to the already articulate and heartfelt sentiments. Being an older mother of an 11 and 15 year old, but not being a professional athlete, gives me a little bit of perspective here. I love triathlon--I've been participating since 1986 (although I did take a break when my kids were little).
I've always had to balance my life with the sport, whether it was due to work or family (or like this year, finances!). I'm not as naturally gifted as many of you out there, and I work REALLY hard just to be where I am. Being older, 15-18 hours a week is usually where I am when I'm training.
So, bottom line is, good for you that you're putting your kids first. They do grow up really fast, and you can never get back this time. It's true what everyone says. I'm proud of you that you finished the race. Many 'pros' would have just packed it in.
Best of luck to you this season. I'll be following you--maybe I'll see you at a race and introduce myself.
God bless you and your family!
Jen, I am the first to admit, I don't know what its like to be a parent and try to balance everything that you do, but I completely understand your decision. I think its brave of you to be honest with yourself and what you want most out of life. I know a lot of us get caught up with training and racing so much, that it can take away from the other important things in our lives. I have always looked at you as the beacon of balance, b/c I think of you as a great mom, and a great athlete.
You have always said to me that you do what is best for you, and I admire you even more for your honesty and commitment to your family. You know how important my family is to me, so I understand. Just know that I support whatever you decide, and I hope you feel good about your decision, you should.
I say it all the time, but I'll say it again now, I'm thankful to have you as my coach. I have learned more about the sport, but more importantly, about life.
Do what makes you happiest and don't worry about what others are doing. This is something I've been trying to grasp myself. There are so many things in life to bring you happiness and gratification, in addition to triathlons. Shorter course racing doesn't make you any less of an athlete and gives you time to enjoy all the other things in life (anther thing I've been trying to learn myself, when everyone around me is going Ironman crazy!). You're amazing no matter what distance you're racing or how many hours you're training. Enjoy your kiddos and hubby!
Hi Jenny,
I just want to give you the minority point of view. Kids thrive with and from their parent accomplishments. A parent with a healthy mind, body and spirit shows by example the work that goes into producing these results. Not a bad thing for a kid to see!
Now you certainly cannot short change your kids. However, I suspect that you and Bill couldn't do that if you tried.
Different courses for different horses anyway so don't get too mental. Your kids do not come with a warranty so do the best you can and have a good time while you are at it.
Anyway, it is little problems with little kids and big problems with big kids. Your most significant parenting challenges are down the road. In the meantime, your kids probably find it pretty neat that Mom is such a hotshot athlete.
I always thought your Dad was (and is) a good Dad because he was expressive about how he loved (and loves) you and your brother. There is probably some kind of a lesson to be learned there Jen.
Unk J
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